Therapy for Adult Children of Alcoholics/Addicts

ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS/ADDICTS: What  is an "adult child?"  Adult children respond to adult interactions with the fear and self-doubt learned as children. This undercurrent of hidden fear can sabotage choices and relationships. Adult children can appear outwardly confident while living with a constant question of self-worth.  The common denominator among adult children from a variety of dysfunctional homes is chronic loss and abandonment. Adult children range in functionality as adults. Many are high-powered professionals; while others are in prison (and certainly some are doing both). Some have very blatant addictions; others have learned to hide them. Some have blatant depression and anxiety disorders; others have compensated in ways that hide their fear and despair.

GRIEF/LOSS: I work  with people who experience many kinds of loss can separation, relationship break-up, divorce, death, death of a beloved pet.  CHILDHOOD LOSSES can be defined as a child or teen who becomes parentified i.e., assumes a parental role; a child who has to assume adult responsibilities before he/she is ready; a child or teen who is put in the position of a surrogate spouse of one or both parents - I call this emotional incest - asked  to shoulder adult issues when not emotionally ready to do so - this can overwhelm a child and create insecurity and anxiety.

COUPLES:   

It is normal that two people perceive issues differently, especially when each person is attempting to get his/her needs met. However, negative interaction patterns develop, become entrenched and spouses/partners can feel as if they are spinning their wheels, without gaining traction to any kind of resolution. In a desperate bid to be heard spouses/partners may become defensive and resort to name calling, yelling, criticizing and blaming. 

My approach in working with a couple is to focus on process rather than content when addressing conflicts. This entails examining how you as a couple interact rather than on what (content) you are disagreeing about. Can you truly listen to your spouse/partner and step into the other’s pair of shoes to understand his/her point of view? How do you show that you are really listening and understanding? My goal is to help you both identify and externalize negative interaction patterns and teach you effective communication skills that lead to win-win outcomes for you.